Each year on her birthday we watch our photo slideshow (made by NILMTDS - Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep) and shed tears - some days it doesn't even seem possible that this was our reality just 5 short years ago.
Tonight we "celebrated" her birthday with a heart-shaped cake and Hannah Beth and I sat down and looked through our photo albums and "Alethia" box - filled with sweet memories, like her footprints, booties, hat, blanket, hospital bracelet, etc. It was really sweet to be able to share those things with HB, who at almost 3 1/2 years old, is beginning to grasp more about her big sister every year.
I took the opportunity to look through some cards and emails that were sent to us in the weeks after February 3rd - and it's so overwhelming [in such a good way!].
So many of you who may be reading this right now blessed us with words of comfort and encouragement, Scripture, songs, poems, and love beyond anything we could have ever imagined. I still even have all the cards that both my 1st grade students at the time as well as other classes made for me - so sweet. This is not to mention all of the meals, donations, time given, and other services for us in our time of need. And PRAYER - we could have never made it through without all the prayers of our friends and loved ones.
So...5 years later, I want to say "Thank you!" for all of that. It was truly the body of Christ in action.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)
I imagine what life would be life if she were here with us now - a grown-up 5 year old girl - getting ready to start Kindergarten in the fall. Would she be out-going and extroverted like her sister Hannah Beth? Or would she be more laid back like her little brother? Would she love princesses and pink? Or would she be more of a tom-boy? And what would she look like? Would she resemble Mommy? Or would she take more after Daddy's side? Tall or short? Thin or stocky? Blue eyes or hazel?
So many questions. Sorrow that we never got to see her open her eyes here on earth.
Can't wait for the day when all the questions will be answered and we will see her in Heaven face to face.
My mind goes back to the verses in James 1:2-4 where this blog got its name -
"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
Joy? When you have just said good-bye to your firstborn daughter, the baby you had been waiting 9 long months to meet and hold and raise, joy seems like the last word you would use to describe it.
I have to be honest and say that, in the depths and despair of grief, I have questioned the wisdom of God's plan. How can something like this possibly be a part of God's Sovereign plan? And why, oh why, did he choose US to experience this?
But He sees the bigger picture so much more than we ever can on this side of Heaven. And that's where trust comes in. It's almost like He is asking me, "Charity, you can trust me when things are going smoothly [on the mountain tops], but can you trust me in the valleys as well?"
As the above verses mention, God can use this trial in my life to produce endurance/perseverance and be lacking in nothing? Amazing thought!
"There is no way to learn of faith except through trials. They are God's school of faith, and it is much better for us to learn to trust Him than to live a life of enjoyment. And once the lesson of faith has been learned, it is an everlasting possession and an eternal fortune gained. Yet without trust in God, even great riches will leave us in poverty." (from Streams in the Desert)
My prayer is that somehow the Lord has used, and can still use, this loss of our baby girl to bring others (maybe even you who are reading this) to know Him in a personal way.
Even if just one person comes to know the Lord Jesus through all of this, then our grief has not been wasted.
He is God. He is our Savior. He is our life. Without Him we would have no hope at all. And I can't imagine anyone living their life that way.
Deuteronomy 33:12, “Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long,
and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.”
Continuing to learn how to "consider it all joy,"
Charity
Truth* and Joy
Alethia Joy Myers
February 3rd, 2009
She never said a word,
But she sings in the choir of the Almighty God.
She never took a step,
But she walks on streets of gold.
She never went to school,
But she is teaching all of us.
She has amassed no earthly wealth,
But she has treasures untold.
She never breathed the air of earth,
But she lives eternally in the presence of Jesus Christ.
--written by Tony's grandma, Pearline Duranske
*Alethia is the Greek word for truth.
1 comment:
We won't forget...
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