Spring Break Adventures

Last week was my spring break, and it was wonderful...
On the first Saturday of the break, Tony and I went with his grandma to the annual "barbeque" over by where she lives. The food is definitely southern, complete with barbeque, chicken wings, boiled potatoes, hush puppies, and coleslaw, or "slaw" as they call it down here, and lots of different desserts.


On Tuesday and Wednesday, my friend Julie (who teaches 3rd grade at my school) and I went to Atlantic Beach/Emerald Isle/Beaufort/Morehead City. Neither of us had ever been to these "southern outer banks" before, and we had a great time. Both of our husbands had to work and go to seminary last week, so we decided to take a road trip together.

We went to the North Carolina Aquarium at Pine Knoll Shores, and here are a few pictures from there...







A few other highlights of our trip were:
--The awesome view from the room at the "inn" where we stayed:



--Eating at the Sanitary Fish Market and Clawson's



--After a long and hard search for a coffee shop at about 8:30 p.m., we finally found Dunkin Donuts....


--The next day, we finally found a "real" coffee shop that was open.. I think it was called "Taylor's Big Mug" or something like that.


--Walking on the beach


--And just hanging out together! I'm so thankful for the friendship that God has given us.



I'm sure our husbands were a little bit sad that they couldn't join us, but maybe one day we can all 4 go back together!

Now today it was back to the regular schedule of being back to teaching for me and another "regular" week of work and school for Tony... but we are looking forward to my siblings and nieces coming down to visit in less than 2 weeks!

God has blessed us so much and has truly given us many things to be thankful for even through the days that are not so easy.

Peace

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7)

I have been thinking of and clinging to this verse so much lately. Tony and I have both experienced God's peace and comfort more than we ever have before. It's something that cannot be described, it can only be experienced.
"surpasses all understanding"--this is so true, His peace is beyond anything we can ever comprehend
"guard your hearts and minds"--when I think of the word "guard," I think of someone physically protecting someone and keeping them from harm; how amazing to think that this is what the Lord is doing for us!
The verse preceding this one speaks of not being anxious about anything but presenting your requests to the Lord. So many people have told us that they are praying for us, even people that we don't even know! It has been incredible and I have no doubt that the Lord is giving us peace through these intercessory prayers.

This is not to say that we aren't hurting, heart-broken, and questioning "why?" at times.
We are experiencing the roller-coaster ride of the grieving process, and it is by no means easy. I know for me, a wave of emotion and sadness will hit me at the most random times--like today it was in the grocery store where I saw 4 different babies (who looked to be about the same age as Alethia would be) with their mommies.

When I was pregnant, the thought of myself having a stillborn baby never even crossed my mind.. I had only heard of this happening to 2 people that I knew personally. Now the Lord has brought many more people into my life who have shared their similar stories and how He has carried them through this. Even if I had thought of the possibility during my pregnancy, this is not something that someone can ever prepare themselves for.
But God has been preparing us all along for this. We don't know how. We don't know why. Maybe someday we will be able to look back and have some answers. But maybe we never will have any answers in this life here on earth.
But He is refining us in the fire and is teaching us to trust and lean on Him all the more through this trial.

"The Man of all sorrows,

He never forgot

What sorrow is carried

By the hearts that He bought."

--from the song "The Silence of God" by Andrew Peterson

Thoughts on a Monday morning

It's a Monday morning.
But God is good.
On my drive to work throughout the last few days, He has been bringing to mind some of His promises that I can cling to throughout my day.
I read this morning in Matthew about how He even knows the number of hairs on our head.
Wow. My God knows me better than I know myself.

So here are some of the promises that He has brought to my mind this morning:

His strength is perfect; when I am weak, He is strong. I sure have felt weak a lot lately.
He will always be with me, will never leave me or forsake me, even when I feel hopeless.
He knows what is best for me.
He knows the pain that we are going through and will always be there to comfort us.

Just a few tidbits, hope this encourages you on this Monday morning!!
Have a good week.

Cry out to Jesus

On my way to school this morning, I heard this song by Third Day and was thinking so much about the hope that we have in Christ even when we feel hopeless.

Just wanted to share some of the lyrics...

Cry Out to Jesus (Third Day)

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough when you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

Chorus
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

Trials in life...

My dear friend Kristi shared this excerpt from "Streams in the Desert" with me... it applies so much to what Tony and I (as well as many others) are experiencing in life right now.


"There is no way to learn of faith except through trials. They are God's school of faith, and it is much better for us to learn to trust Him than to live a life of enjoyment. And once the lesson of faith has been learned, it is an everlasting possession and an eternal fortune gained. Yet without trust in God, even great riches will leave us in poverty."

My Dr. appt.

Yesterday afternoon I had my postpartum dr. appt.
It was hard to go back to the clinic, knowing that the last time I was there, we found out that our sweet baby had gone to be with Jesus. At the same time, I was looking forward to hearing what the dr. had to say.
It started out rough.. when I walked in and checked in with the receptionist, the first thing she asked was, "Did you bring the baby with you?" I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing. I just looked at her as my eyes welled up with tears and shook my head. She didn't seem to understand and went on to say something that I can't remember about bringing the baby to my appt. Then I had to tell her, "She passed away." That was so heart-wrenching. She felt so, so badly for saying that and sincerely said, "I'm so sorry, they usually tell us these kinds of things."
I was so glad that Tony was with me as I sat in the waiting room and cried.

When we finally got to see the doctor, he told us that the preliminary autopsy results came back. The final results should be coming back in a few weeks and then I will go back and talk to him again. Unfortunately, the preliminary results didn't really tell us much information, and we don't know if we will ever know why this happened. I will write another blog after I go back to the dr. next time.
As I wrote on my previous blog though, I am so thankful that we have such a wonderful, caring doctor who was willing to just sit and talk to us and answer our questions for a long time.

Blessings...

Today would have been baby "Alli" Joy's one-month birthday.


My heart hurts so bad and each day is difficult as we grieve the loss of our baby girl and constantly think of how much different we thought life would be right now... but I have discovered that remembering the many things that we have to be thankful for from the events of February 2nd and 3rd help so much..

So, as I look back at one month ago, here are a few blessings that I wanted to share--reminders of the Lord's never-ending faithfulness to us:

--Our nurses were amazing, especially the nurse that was with us during the delivery. Her name was Pam. We found out that she was a believer.. what a blessing. She cried with us and seemed like a friend even more than a nurse. She was the one that we gave Alethia to when we had to say good-bye.

--My doctor was also a huge blessing. Since I had been going to a large practice of several different doctors, I wasn't sure which one would be on call when I went in. The Lord knew who was the best doctor to be there for our situation, to sympathize with us and share in our grief while also being professional and doing his job so well.

--The whole labor and delivery went so incredibly well. I honestly thought that it would be much more painful (praise God for epidurals!). I only had to push for about 45 minutes and I have recovered pretty quickly and am doing well physically.

-- A couple from our church who went through the same situation about 14 years ago came to visit us while I was in labor and stayed for many hours until after baby Alli was born. They were such a blessing to have with us.

--The nurses let us stay in the labor and delivery room for several hours, instead of having us move into a regular room 2 hours after the delivery, like in most cases.

--After Alethia Joy was born, we were able to dress her, hold her, sing to her, memorize the feeling of her little body in our arms, pray with her, and cuddle her for as long as we wanted. Finally after 6 hours, we knew we finally had to say good-bye. We will never forget those precious hours with our baby girl.

--A professional photographer came and took pictures for us in the middle of the night, at about 3:00 a.m. He does this completely free of charge as a ministry (www.nowIlaymedowntosleep.org) and is also a Christian. We found out later that these photographers don't even usually come to the hospital where we were.. another thing to be thankful for. He did an amazing job and we will cherish those pictures for the rest of our lives.

--From the time when people started to hear about our situation until this very day, we have been surrounded by such amazing love and care. So many of these people helped us with the memorial service and we couldn't have done any of it without them.

--The biggest blessing that comes to my mind right now is just the fact that the memorial service was not just a sad, grieving time, but it was also a celebration of the hope that we have of seeing our baby Alli Joy in Heaven one day. She is safe in the arms of Jesus.

I just don't know how anyone can make it through something like this without the Lord.