10 Years in Heaven

10 years have passed.

Wow.. double digits.

At times it seems like a world away, and yet at other times, my mind flashes back to those raw moments of deep grief as if it were only yesterday that we experienced them.

A lot has happened since my last blog post about 2 1/2 years ago, when I was suffering through a miscarriage and recovering from a D & C. As most of you know, God has since blessed us with a beautiful healthy baby girl, Autumn Joy (named after her oldest sister, Alethia Joy). She has grown so fast and is already 16 months old (pictured in the top picture). 

Along with the joy [and busyness!] of raising 4 young children, this past year has also had its challenges with unexpected changes in Tony's job/our ministry, and we are continuing to wait on the Lord and trust Him for clear direction with the unknowns of our future.

But no matter what joys and challenges may come our way, we think of and miss our firstborn every day. She is never far from our minds.

I often wonder, "what would it be like having a 10 year old?"

"Would her reddish hair match that of two of her siblings?"

"Would she be spunky like her sister, or intuitive like her next youngest brother?"

"Would she be artsy or athletic...quiet or outgoing?"

As we make it a tradition to do each year around her birthday, we "celebrate" her life and the brief memories we have and want to share with our other children. This year we made a "donut" cake in memory of her [which the kids enjoyed eating of course!]. Reflecting back, it never ceases to amaze me as I remember how many friends, family members, even strangers, stepped in to "weep with those who weep" - we will never forget the outpouring of love, compassion, support, visits, many many cards [which I still have and love to read over again] and emails, hugs, not to mention tangible things like food and $. When we barely knew how to cover funeral and burial expenses, God's people stepped in [including an occurrence of an envelope placed in our hands containing $4,000 in cash from a virtual stranger].

Part of our tradition each year is to watch a DVD slideshow of pictures of our precious time holding our firstborn baby girl in our arms.

Watching this always brings back a wave of emotions, tears, and it gives Hannah Beth, Anthony, Elliot, and Autumn Joy a small glimpse into all that occurred on February 3, 2009. Precious tears have been shed by them as well.

I never want to forget what it felt like to hold her in my arms. And now I know even more how much I was missing - now that I have been a mother to living, healthy children.

Several months ago on a trip to NC, we visited the cemetery (as we usually do each time we visit family in the south). Beforehand, we had told the kids our plan - they know the usual "drill" of taking a family picture there, checking on the flowers, and also remembering Tony's grandfather who is buried in the plot next to Alethia.

Anthony (5 years old at the time) responded, "I have some things I want to tell her."

Taken aback, I thought for a moment and then asked (just to make sure I was hearing correctly), "Tell who? Alethia?"

"Yes," he replied.

So we arrived and did our thing, then walked a little ways away to give him some space. He walked around the gravestone a few times, mouth moving, intent on his "conversation" with his big sister in Heaven. I was far away enough not to hear; I inquired of him later if he wanted to share but he said he didn't really want to, so I left it between the two of them. ❤❤❤

 

People have often commented on our story with "I don't know how you did it."

I sometimes have wondered the same thing. And how did our young marriage of 2 1/2 years survive such a trial [and only grow stronger as a result]?

The answer is: only by the grace of God...and a word I've been reflecting on lately:

HOPE

Though the storms of life rage against us, and the enemy of our souls seeks to use these storms to toss us ashore, we have an anchor.

"This hope [Jesus Christ] is a strong and worthy anchor for our souls." Hebrews 6:19, NLT

I have hope in knowing that not only did Jesus die to pay for my [and your] sins, but He rose again, and defeated death. We can [and will] have ultimate victory through Jesus. The sting of death and loss that we experience here on earth will be swallowed up in victory.

This world that we live in is such a hurting and broken place. But God is redemptive in all His ways - He is with us. And He's not going to leave us here in this broken world forever. We have hope as we wait for Christ's return - for those of us who know and trust Him as our Savior.

He is making all things new. All the tears, the mourning, the pain--they will be completely eliminated.

Our hope in Jesus is even greater than the pain of losing Alethia Joy (which, to be honest, has seemed unbearable at times).

Some of my favorite verses:

"Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: 

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!

His mercies never cease.

Great is His faithfulness. 

His mercies begin afresh each morning."

Lamentations 3:21-23 NLT

I recently read a quote in an online Bible study that stuck with me:

"Trading in the hard times would be trading in some of those opportunities to better understand who the Lord is and what He has done for me." (author unknown)

On a similar note...a friend whose family has been through some tremendous trials once said, "Situations that seem so useless, so senseless, so unfair, and so unjust are all opportunities for God to show His faithfulness to us-and all that He asks is that we trust Him." (Sue Stratman)

God is good - even when life and life's circumstances are not.

God is a God of HOPE.

Happy 10th birthday in Heaven, Alethia Joy! We love you! 

To read previous posts on Alethia Joy, grief, and other birthday milestones of our firstborn baby, 

click below on the "labels." [edited to add: for some reason, these labels may only show up on a PC]

It's Still Being Written...

My story isn't over...
It's still being written.

Just over a month ago, I got to see our baby blueberry for the first time (the approximate size of baby in utero) and witness that tiny little beautiful heart beating away.
And then I saw my little blueberry grow and develop the beginnings of arms and legs and become the size of a grape in only a matter of a few weeks. A miracle was happening inside of me yet again. His or her heart was beating healthy and well. It never ceases to amaze me how God knits together each piece by His own hands.

But this past Friday, at what was supposed to be my "routine" prenatal 11 week appointment, we found out that our sweet baby grape had already gone to be with Jesus.
I don't understand it, and maybe I never will here on Earth, but apparently God wanted this little one to join Alethia and my other 2 little blueberries in Heaven.

Within just a few seconds of the ultrasound tech beginning the ultrasound, I could tell that something was wrong - in many ways the events of 7 1/2 years ago washed over me like I was experiencing it again - yet in a different way.
She wouldn't confirm it until after trying a second ultrasound method, but I knew deep down my baby was not ok. There was no healthy happy beating heart this time. And I left with an ultrasound picture in my hand but not one that I would be framing...one that would only serve as my last memory of this sweet baby.

This miscarriage was different from the other two that were earlier on in the pregnancies and had "happened" on their own... this time we had to make the decision of the next step to take. I had already been very sick in  bed all week and was becoming quite dehydrated. This was "supposed" to be a happy day when I was celebrating being close to the 2nd trimester, but instead it turned into a painful, emotional, difficult day, in which I was both processing the loss of my child and then undergoing a D & C procedure.

I'm so thankful for the prayers, support, love, and care from so many friends and family. It's been really challenging for both Tony and me to go through this grieving process yet again and yet we have been so encouraged by the love of Christ shown to us through the body of Christ.

In many ways I wish that I didn't have this "story" to tell.
I often don't understand my story, or the reasons why I have lived it...
But the One who holds the pen -
He is the same One who heals broken hearts.
He is the same One who sets the captive free.
He is the One who holds the universe in the palm of His hand.
The One who cares for you, for me, and even the tiniest details of our lives.

I think in reality... I'm really glad He is the One who holds that pen, and not me.

Even though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear

And even when I'm caught in the middle
Of the storms of this life
I wont turn back, I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming
For the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare

And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Well live to know You here on the earth

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
"You Never Let Go" (Matt Redman)

My hope is that in some way, even one person who reads this can find hope, strength, and can know YOU are not alone- no matter what you're going through.
I can't imagine walking this road alone, and am so thankful that I don't have to.

For those of you who've been blessed with little babies, or even if your babies are not so little anymore, give them an extra squeeze and an "I love you" tonight...every life is so precious and should never be taken for granted. I'm so very thankful for the ones God has given me.

I have a 7 year old in Heaven...

Happy 7th Birthday in Heaven to our firstborn precious daughter, Alethia Joy.

A "memory" photo recently came on my Facebook feed a few days ago - the picture was dated January 29, 2009 and it was of my sister-in-law, Tony's grandmother, and myself at my baby shower. I was 38 weeks pregnant with Alethia Joy. If I could capture a moment in time, I would want to feel her again on that day...kicking her little feet into my ribs as family and friends gathered with joy to celebrate her life.  

As I looked at that picture, I couldn't help but think about how "innocent" I was that day - innocent in the fact that I had no idea how much my life would be turned upside down in a matter of just a few days. Clueless as to the fact that the beautiful frilly pink outfits would never be worn by this firstborn baby girl of mine. The diapers and wipes would not be used for her little bottom. The rattles would never be grasped by her tiny fingers. The blankets would soon be folded up and placed in boxes instead of being wrapped around her warm, squirmy, snuggly body. 

In a way it feels like I have forgotten what life was like before we entered the valley of the shadow of death. A journey that would stretch and test our faith like never before...and change our lives forever.

February 2, 2009 was the day that journey began - the moment the midwife checked for her heartbeat and the only one she could find was mine. 
I labored throughout that afternoon and evening and then very early the next morning, 2:14 a.m., February 3, our beautiful daughter was delivered. We were so blessed to have the next six hours just to hold her, take pictures with her [so very thankful for the ministry of NILMDTS], sing to her, and try to memorize the feel of her in our arms even though we knew that she had already gone home to be with Jesus. 

7 years old. Something about the age of 7 seems significant to me - I'm not exactly sure what it is, but maybe it's because most of the students I taught and spent countless hours with in 1st or 2nd grade were either 7 years old or close to it. The funny things they would say, the attitudes they would sometimes give me ;), the way many of them were starting to read more fluently, the excitement about their upcoming birthday parties, the things they were learning in math, the sweet hugs and smiles [oftentimes toothless - I loved that!] I would receive...these are all things that Alethia would be experiencing at the age of 7.

Hannah Beth [age 5] talks about her "big sister" almost every day - it's one of the sweetest things and I hope as she grows older that she will never stop talking about Alli Joy. If I'm truly honest with myself, my heart aches sometimes to think about the sisterly bond that they are missing out on...the fun they would have together, the giggles, the catty fights, the sharing of clothes and dolls and shoes... all the things that come with having a close sister.  

But all these "would have beens" or "could haves" or "what ifs" are not the way things are..
And my life will never be the same as it was 7 years and 2 days ago... 
And that's ok. 

"Healing from a deep loss is not about recovery and returning to 'the way things were'--it's about allowing ourselves to keep on changing and becoming, amidst the pain." (Robert Zucker) 

I mentioned earlier that I sometimes feel like I've forgotten what life was like before we began this journey - and in many ways I don't really want to remember. 
Because the Lord has used this path of suffering to change me. 
Though the path sometimes seems dark, He has been our guiding light. 
He has given us the strength to make it through each day and it has drawn us that much closer to Him. 
When there is no one else to cling to, my Jesus holds me tight.
My Jesus gives me the grace to be able to "consider it all joy..." (James 1:2-3) 

Throughout these last several years, I've realized that I had a choice - to either become bitter towards God and turn away, or to grow, change, and become closer to Him through the process. 
My hope and prayer is that I have chosen the latter. And will continue to.

Loss and pain are not things that we will ever understand - and it's okay to ask the question "Why?" - but sometimes instead of answers, God gives us comfort. He leads us to the ultimate source of comfort - Himself. 

It comforts me so much when I think that the first face that Alethia saw was the face of Jesus! 
And when I think of all the effects of sin on our world - the terror, the sickness, the crime, the depression, the despair...the list could go on and on.. Alethia Joy was spared from all of that! What a comforting thought. 

Some of the favorite verses are in Lamentations 3:21-25, (emphasis mine) 

"This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.

The Lord's loving kindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.

'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I have hope in Him.'

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him."

Hope.
Loving kindness.
Compassion.
Faithfulness.
More hope.
Goodness.

These are just a few of the character qualities of our amazing God. 
He is good - even when life and life's circumstances are not good.

Every day on this journey of life, I cling to HOPE. This word is used twice in the above quoted verses - and for good reason, I believe.
When I look back on Alethia Joy's brief life, I have memories, I have a box filled with photos, cards, hospital bracelets, a couple of her blankets, her tiny handprints and footprints.. but that's really all I have in a physical sense. 

            
BUT I have so much hope!!! The goodbye that we said that horrible, sad day in the hospital is not the end! 

"..Nothing we can say and nothing we can do
Can take away the pain, the pain of losing you
But we can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope

'Cause we know our goodbye
Is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again"        [Steven Curtis Chapman "With Hope"] 

 We truly do not grieve as those who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13).

This life here on earth is so short - but eternity is forever. If you are reading this, I truly hope and pray that you have put your complete faith and trust in Jesus - who died for our sins, rose again, and lives today - giving us hope for tomorrow and each day ahead! 

I can't wait for the day when we see our Alethia Joy again, in Heaven. 
And I can't wait to see my Savior who fills me with HOPE for each day until then.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

**To read other previous posts about our Alethia Joy, 

see underneath where it reads "Labels" and click "Alethia Joy"**

. 

Alethia Joy's 6th Birthday

As I sat to begin this blog post yesterday afternoon [February 2nd], I thought about how on that very same afternoon 6 years ago, my life truly changed forever.
How life can change in an instant.
Just minutes earlier, we had been told that our firstborn, a baby girl, no longer had a beating heart.
The ultrasound monitor in that OB clinic flashes in my mind as the news of the doctor repeated itself over and over in my head...can it really be possible? So very hard to grasp reality when the loss of your child looms over you like a nightmare that can't be forgotten even after you awake.

At 2:14 a.m., February 3, 2009, our Alethia Joy was born. She weighed 6 lbs, 7.4 ounces, and was 21 1/2 inches long. Her soul was already with Jesus, but I never want to forget what it felt like to hold her perfect body in my arms in those early morning hours.
We dressed her in a beautiful white dress and cap that her Mimi & Papa had given to us for her to wear on her first Sunday at church. Instead, she wore the dress to go meet Jesus.

Six years later, my days are busy, my arms are full [soo incredibly blessed] and yet I so often feel like there is a piece of my heart missing. Our firstborn daughter holds a piece of my heart in Heaven.

My prayer then and my prayer still today is... Lord, let my grief not be wasted. May You be glorified in the midst of this sorrow and tremendous loss.

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-5)

It was an amazing "non-coincidence" (God-thing!) that today's devotional in my devotional calendar reads like this, 

"Part of the reason God allows us to experience sorrow and trials in this life is that we might learn that God has power to sustain us and provide for us all things that produce earthly blessings and eternal benefits...All of God's children go through storms in their journeys through life. It is precisely in the "going-through" stage of any crisis that God's peace is most clearly manifested to all." (Charles Stanley, God's Way Day by Day) 

I am thankful.
Thankful for you, baby Alli Joy, that you made me a mother for the very first time.
Thankful for the 39 weeks and 1 day that I had the privilege of carrying you in my womb.
Even thankful for the deepest valley - the valley of the shadow of death - that has brought me stronger and closer in my walk with the Lord. 
Thankful that I have an eternal hope in my Savior Jesus - a hope that I will one day see you again, baby girl.
What a day, GLORIOUS day, that will be!

~~
My personal journal entry from March 26, 2009--
"Ways to grow:"
--Appreciate life and time with loved ones.
--Cherish each moment.
--Pray for others expecting a child.
--Rely on God's strength.
--Trust God's plan and His control.
--Comfort others.
--Reach out to others.
--Show compassion.
--Thank God for the thorns.

"Teach me the value of my thorns, show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain."

Lord, may these "ways to grow" continue to be my focus, as growing is a never-ending endeavor...

Happy 6th Birthday in Heaven, our Alethia Joy!

We sure do love you and miss you!!

[Elliot with Alethia's baby shoe Christmas ornament]

Elliot's Birth Story

Monday September 15th-  (4 days before my scheduled induction), At my last doctor's appointment, the dr. said I was dilated to a 5 and she stripped my membranes. She was doubtful that I would make it all the way to my induction but said that if I did have to go in that morning, probably all they’d have to do is break my water.

So that was reassuring to me – maybe I wouldn’t even need Pitocin! With Anthony, things progressed pretty quickly after they broke my water so I was in hopes that the same thing would happen this time.

Monday after my appt, I was having quite a few contractions but nothing too painful or long lasting. We thought maybe things would happen that night though so my parents came back from out of town early and we more seriously got our bags packed and things ready to go. When I went to bed that night, the contractions basically stopped.

My BUNCO group Tuesday night couldn’t believe I was already dilated that far and still walking around and doing things – they joked with me about running around the church between rounds, doing jumping jacks, squats, etc. Many predicted that I would go into labor the next day – but Wednesday came and went and nothing happened. We had small group on Wednesday night and a normal day on Thursday – and then that night we brought the kids out to my parents’ house to spend the night since our induction was scheduled for 8 am that next morning. I slept ok that night – probably as good as can be expected knowing I was having a baby in a few hours!

Friday September 19 - I got up at about 6:30 am and got ready and we headed to the hospital and arrived shortly before 8 am. They got me checked in and put an IV in my arm after I got my hospital gown on. I was really hoping to not need that IV but I guess it’s standard procedure for them to put one in just in case.

My main nurse during labor was a girl who I recognized from when Anthony was born so that was cool. She was super sweet and we couldn't have asked for a better nurse. She checked my cervix and said I was at a 5-6 and I think 90% effaced. Dr. R was on call at the time and so the nurse asked her if we could just break my water rather than starting any Pitocin. Dr. R came in and confirmed that baby was low and I was about at 6 cm so she then broke my water at 9:15 a.m. I was hoping that things would start to progress fairly quickly from there. I was able to walk around (we walked up, down, and around the halls quite a bit), and bounce on the jellybean-shaped bouncy ball. About every hour or so they checked baby’s heartrate and then put me on the monitors for an NST for 20-30 minutes once about every 1 ½-2 hours. Baby was looking really good. Besides walking around, Tony and I just kinda hung out in our hospital room, watched The Price is Right and a couple other shows that were on at the time. A few hours passed and nothing was really changing. The next time they checked I was dilated to a 7 but I stayed there for quite a while – I was feeling ready for hard labor to come on, knowing that would mean baby was on his way sooner rather than later. I think I went into this labor having prepared myself mentally for a drug-free, natural birth and so I was kinda feeling ready to “take on the world” and to get it over with all at the same time! I was thankful that early on when they asked me if I planned to have an epidural and I said no, there was no pressure at all and they said they would do whatever I wanted.

Tony went down to the cafeteria and got himself some food and it all looked and smelled so good – I wasn’t at all used to going more than a couple hours without food during this pregnancy and was soo hungry!! I remember smelling chocolate chip cookies baking and thinking how good they smelled- seemed like torture when all I could have were ice chips and some sugary-sweet popsicles.

Dr. L came onto her shift at noon and came in to check on me. The nurse had asked us how long we wanted to wait and see what my progression was before taking the next step toward Pitocin, etc. We agreed on waiting a couple more hours and seeing what would happen, hoping labor would take its “full effect” soon. 2:00 p.m., a couple hours later, rolled around and still not a whole lot more than a few contractions here and there but nothing very painful.

A little after 2 p.m., I texted my sweet friend Charissa who is a doula and asked her if she had any recommendations for getting past 7-8 cm and getting baby out. She suggested getting in the tub and, oddly enough, using a breast pump to increase the hormones that cause the uterus to contract. Shortly after I talked to my dr. about doing something other than using Pitocin and she suggested the exact same things – so my nurse got the bath ready and at around 2:30-2:45 I got in the tub and also pumped at the same time. The bathtub there in the L & D room is nice and deep with jets and it felt really good. Within probably 10 minutes or so of being in the tub, I started to feel some hard contractions coming on. I breathed through them and tried to relax as much as possible. It sounds weird, but I was excited to be having these contractions!! Things were progressing. I counted a total of about 9-10 hard and fairly long contractions and Tony came in to check on me and I gave him an update. He could tell that I was getting more uncomfortable and was in labor now "officially" – and he was starting to get a little worried that baby would be born in the bathtub! I told him it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world – people do that quite often!

After a few more minutes passed, I started feeling an urge to push and told Tony. He (apparently unusually calmly, a nurse told me later) went out into the hallway and informed the nearest nurse that I was feeling pressure. I think that made the nurses move more quickly!

I was soon out of the tub and on my bed and I remember looking at the clock and it was 3:30 p.m. Dr. L was there in her scrubs and the nurses were getting all set up for the delivery. She told me I could be in whatever pushing position felt most comfortable and they got me a squatting bar to hold onto. I closed my eyes tightly during the hard contractions and when Dr. L checked me this time, she said there was still a small “flap” of my cervix in the way so she would try to move that to make way for baby’s head to come through the birth canal. So apparently I was dilated to more like 9 than 10 but it was still ok to push. Dr. L then also discovered that baby was turned sunny side up (posterior) and that was probably why it had taken longer than expected for things to progress. That was also the reason why I was now experiencing a lot of back labor pains.

I remember looking up and seeing the Dr. and probably at least 3 nurses standing there waiting for baby to make his way out – for a very short moment I felt like they were staring at me and it kind of annoyed me, haha. But I then ignored it and focused on pushing through the contractions. Tony stood on my left side and held my hand and I asked him to count during my pushes. After Dr. L moved the flap, it then went back into the same place so she said I should just labor through it so after a few contractions without pushing, I was fully dilated and able to push again. I was getting pretty tired and felt like the pushing was taking forever. I remember moaning and yelling loudly and feeling like I was going to lose my voice from all my yelling. I remember saying “Come on, baby!” Tony told me later that my "yelling" was probably only "average" on the scale of how loud women may be during labor.. haha, so that made me feel a little better. I was just hoping that those in the nearby rooms couldn't hear me!

The nurses and doctor and Tony were all very encouraging, telling me I was doing great and to keep pushing – I appreciated that because I felt like I didn’t even know if the pushing I was doing was accomplishing anything. But obviously it was! After a few more pushes, his head was crowning and then what an incredible feeling it was to have his head come out and then the rest of his body on the next push and to know that he was here!! He cried right away and they placed my beautiful baby boy on my chest. It felt so surreal at first and I felt like I was in a dream. It was incredible to know that with the Lord's strength and help and the encouragement and support of Tony and my doctor and nurses, I had done it – I had accomplished my personal goal of delivering a baby without any aid of drugs or pain killers. Everyone's experience is different and I totally and completely understand why some ladies choose to have epidurals - I had delivered my first three babies with epidurals as well as with the "help" of some Pitocin during labor, and with Hannah Beth and Anthony, I was also on an IV for testing positive for Group B Strep. But I am so very thankful that this time around I didn't need Pitocin or the antibiotics for Group B. Something about doing it the “old-fashioned” way was just really neat. A natural childbirth had been my goal from the beginning of this pregnancy and it felt amazing to have met that goal. (I was thankful a little later on too that I was able to get up and move around so soon after Elliot's arrival and felt like it made my recovery quicker as well.)

But so much more importantly than a medication-free birth was the blessing of a beautiful healthy baby boy. God is faithful and good and we will never ever take for granted the blessing of bringing a healthy baby into the world.

Elliot William David was born at 4:04 p.m. on Friday, September 19^th.

Right away I could tell he looked like a Myers baby – brought back flashbacks of having Alethia (like each subsequent birth has) – each of our children definitely has their own look, but also look like siblings without a doubt.

The dr. waited for his umbilical cord to stop pulsating – several minutes – before Tony cut it. I held Elliot for a long time and we took pictures right away and then I nursed him soon after that. He nursed for probably a total of 45 minutes and was a pro at it right away. What a blessing - being able to breastfeed is another thing that I never want to take for granted.

When he was finished eating, the nurse took him and weighed and measured him and cleaned him up a bit.
That evening, my parents came up to the hospital and brought Hannah Beth and Anthony to meet their baby brother. It was so sweet to see them meet him (HB especially was very excited and kept saying how cute he is!).
We cannot say enough how thankful we are for this gift that the Lord has given to us!

Psalm 139:13-14, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

 

Our new little blessing- Elliot William David!

We are so thankful for a new and healthy addition to our family!
God has blessed us so immensely.

Our 4th baby, Elliot William David, was born September 19th, at 4:04 p.m.
He weighed 8 lbs, 2.2 oz (our biggest baby yet - by 11.3 ounces!) and was 21 1/4 inches long.

 

 

 

 

The "story" behind his name--

 

The first name Elliot was chosen for a few reasons: as teenagers, both Tony and I individually read the book Shadow of the Almighty: the Life and Testament of Jim Elliot about the missionary Jim Elliot and his amazing testimony and life of sacrifice for the Lord. It really impacted both of us. If you don't know the story or have never read the book, I'd encourage you to check it out.

Another reason why we chose Elliot is because of its meaning - "The Lord is God" or "Jehovah is God."

And our last reason for choosing it is because Tony and I both liked the name :) - which if you know us, that's a major feat to accomplish!

 

Elliot has 2 middle names - William and David - after his two grandpas. William is Tony's dad's first name, and David is my dad's first name.

 

We are thankful to be home and settling in, and Elliot's big brother and sister come back from Grandma & Grandpa's house tonight so let the fun with 3 kids at home begin! We are officially outnumbered!

 

I hope to eventually post his birth story :)

 

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."  -Jim Elliot

A Mother's Prayer

After putting the kids to bed tonight, I came across this song by the Gettys and it just hit a tender spot in my heart...

thinking about how quickly my little ones grow up...

how much I long for them to take hold of the faith that their daddy and I cling so tightly to...

a faith of their own...

that no matter what life brings their way...

tears, joys, sorrows, pains, rejoicing...

that they will KNOW and TRUST...

that He will always be faithful to the end.

Lord, this is my prayer for our little ones.

 

Before you close your eyes to sleep

I have a promise still to keep

As I hold you in my arms.

I pray your little frame grows strong

And that faith takes hold while you are young;

This is my prayer for you.

Hold my hand;
I'll teach you the Way to go.
Through the joys, through the tears,
The journey of these years,
May you trust Him ‘til the end.
May you trust Him in the end.

 

This world is not as it should be,

But the Savior opens eyes to see

All that's beautiful and true.

Oh may His light fill all you are

And the jewel of wisdom crown your heart;

This is my prayer for you.

Hold my hand;
I'll teach you the Way to go.
Through the joys, through the tears,
The journey of these years,
He is with us ‘til the end.
He is faithful ‘til the end.

 

You'll travel where my arms won't reach

As the road will rise to lead your feet

On a journey of your own.

May my mistakes not hinder you

But His grace remain and guide you through;

This is my prayer for you.

Take His hand

And go where He calls you to.

And whatever comes, seek Him

With all your heart;

This will be my prayer for you.

mmmm Father, hear my ceaseless prayer;

Oh keep her in your care.

"A Mother's Prayer" - Keith & Kristyn Getty & Fionan D'Barra