How life can change in an instant.
Just minutes earlier, we had been told that our firstborn, a baby girl, no longer had a beating heart.
The ultrasound monitor in that OB clinic flashes in my mind as the news of the doctor repeated itself over and over in my head...can it really be possible? So very hard to grasp reality when the loss of your child looms over you like a nightmare that can't be forgotten even after you awake.
At 2:14 a.m., February 3, 2009, our Alethia Joy was born. She weighed 6 lbs, 7.4 ounces, and was 21 1/2 inches long. Her soul was already with Jesus, but I never want to forget what it felt like to hold her perfect body in my arms in those early morning hours.
We dressed her in a beautiful white dress and cap that her Mimi & Papa had given to us for her to wear on her first Sunday at church. Instead, she wore the dress to go meet Jesus.
Six years later, my days are busy, my arms are full [soo incredibly blessed] and yet I so often feel like there is a piece of my heart missing. Our firstborn daughter holds a piece of my heart in Heaven.
My prayer then and my prayer still today is... Lord, let my grief not be wasted. May You be glorified in the midst of this sorrow and tremendous loss.
"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-5)
It was an amazing "non-coincidence" (God-thing!) that today's devotional in my devotional calendar reads like this,
"Part of the reason God allows us to experience sorrow and trials in this life is that we might learn that God has power to sustain us and provide for us all things that produce earthly blessings and eternal benefits...All of God's children go through storms in their journeys through life. It is precisely in the "going-through" stage of any crisis that God's peace is most clearly manifested to all." (Charles Stanley, God's Way Day by Day)
I am thankful.
Thankful for you, baby Alli Joy, that you made me a mother for the very first time.
Thankful for the 39 weeks and 1 day that I had the privilege of carrying you in my womb.
Even thankful for the deepest valley - the valley of the shadow of death - that has brought me stronger and closer in my walk with the Lord.
Thankful that I have an eternal hope in my Savior Jesus - a hope that I will one day see you again, baby girl.
What a day, GLORIOUS day, that will be!
~~
My personal journal entry from March 26, 2009--
"Ways to grow:"
--Appreciate life and time with loved ones.
--Cherish each moment.
--Pray for others expecting a child.
--Rely on God's strength.
--Trust God's plan and His control.
--Comfort others.
--Reach out to others.
--Show compassion.
--Thank God for the thorns.
"Teach me the value of my thorns, show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain."
Lord, may these "ways to grow" continue to be my focus, as growing is a never-ending endeavor...
Happy 6th Birthday in Heaven, our Alethia Joy!
We sure do love you and miss you!!
[Elliot with Alethia's baby shoe Christmas ornament]
