Wondering...

As Alethia Joy's 13-month birthday approaches, I've just been thinking about what life would've been like with her here with us...

I wonder what she would look like...would she have blonde hair like her mommy, strawberry-blonde hair like her grandma Smith and some of her daddy's relatives, black hair like some of her daddy's family, or some other shade in between?

I wonder if she would have brown/hazel eyes like her daddy's family or blue eyes like her mommy's family?

I wonder if she would have any freckles...

I wonder if her hair would be curly or straight...

I wonder if Alli would be laid-back and mellow like her daddy or a "little less-mellow" ;) like her mommy?

I wonder if she would love to read books like both of her parents...

I wonder what her 1st birthday party would have been like...what kind of cake/theme would we have had? I wonder what kind of presents she would have gotten and which toys would be her favorites...

I wonder if she would be a good sleeper and a good eater (like Daddy!)...

I wonder if we would have exhausted our supply of 860+ diapers of different sizes and 900+ wipes by this point...(and no, those numbers are not an exaggeration, thanks to Alethia's Myers grandparents and others)

I wonder what this past Christmas (and all holidays, for that matter) would have been like, celebrating with our precious little girl...

I wonder if we would still sit in the 2nd row at church or if we would have "migrated" to the back rows...

I wonder if Alethia would have a love for music like her mommy and daddy do...

I wonder what it would be like to be a stay-at-home mom, spending each day and precious minute with my baby girl...

I wonder if she would be walking by now...

I wonder if "our little Joy" would be saying any specific words by now...

I wonder what it would be like to raise our little girl to know about Jesus and His precious Love for her...

I wonder what it's like for Alethia Joy to be in Jesus' arms at this very moment, experiencing first-hand His Love for her.

Who He Is

"I am the living bread that came down out of heaven." (John 6:51)

"I am the light of the world." (John 8:12)

"I am the gate." (John 10:9)

"I am the good shepherd." (John 10:11)

"I am the resurrection and the life." (John 11:25)

"I am the way, the truth, and the life." (John 14:6)

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener." (John 15:1)

Just praising and thanking the Lord today for who He is.

February 3, 2010

Thank you so much to many of you for your encouraging comments and most of all your prayers for us throughout this week.

I can truly say that those prayers were felt by us yesterday as we remembered baby Alethia Joy's 1st birthday. The Lord just surrounded us with a peace and strength and comfort that can only be described as "God." I love how He uses friends and family in our lives to show us Himself in a tangible way.

Tony and I went to the cemetery for the first time ever, just the 2 of us. We had been there separately and with other family, but never just Daddy and Mommy.

We released our balloons with our messages written to Alethia Joy, and as we left, through a wave of sorrow and grief, I just rejoiced in the fact that the "real" Alethia is not underneath that gravestone in the cold, hard ground.

She is in Heaven with Jesus and many of our loved ones.

I wonder what kind of a party the angels had for her to celebrate one year in Heaven?!

But we wish with all our hearts that she was here with us.

We don't understand why the Lord wanted her with Him before she even had a chance to open her eyes and take a breath here on earth.

Even after a year, we don't understand why so many healthy, beautiful babies are born every day all around the world, and yet our sweet little girl never made it home from the hospital.

I don't know if we will ever understand...until we meet Him face to face and all our questions will be answered.

We spent the afternoon with Tony's grandma, also remembering his granddad in Heaven who shares a birthday with baby Alli. It was good just to be together.

Last night we took out Alethia's "box" of cherished memories from the hospital and lingered in her nursery room as we gazed at her little hospital bracelet, handprints and footprints, and hand-crocheted booties, among other things.

Tony and I looked back at our photo album of pictures with our baby girl and watched the DVD of the memorial service as well as the slide show that our Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep photographer made for us.

As we watched the memorial service DVD, I was reminded of this verse and the HOPE in the Lord that we cling to:

Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

God has truly overwhelmed us with hope, joy, and peace.

Happy 1st birthday in Heaven, Alethia Joy!

One day we will join you at the Table

And you will tell us about your life with Jesus.

About the gift of love He's given you,

That will never be broken or lost.

So although we will never scoot you up to our table,

Teach you how to blow out your candles,

Wipe the frosting from your face,

Or give you stuffed tokens of our love,

Today in our hearts we will sing with the angels:

Happy birthday to you, dear baby

Happy birthday to you.

Thank you, Amy, for sharing this poem with me.

Happy Birthday, sweet husband!

Happy birthday, my dear husband, Tony!

I am so thankful to the Lord for you!

You are a wonderful uncle,

daddy,

and husband.

Thank you for your unconditional love, your patience, your positive attitude, and your desire to be a godly leader of our family and servant of Christ.

I love you so much!