Considering It All Joy: February 2011

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Helping Friends in Their Grief

I really appreciated Molly Piper's blog post: "When you want to say 'I can't imagine,' just try".

She and her husband Abraham (John Piper's son) lost their baby girl Felicity to stillbirth a few years ago and she does a very good job of expressing thoughts about grief. She also has several other posts in the sidebar on the right about "how to help a grieving friend."

Sunday, February 20, 2011

On her 2nd birthday...

Alethia Joy,

Your 2nd birthday was about 2 1/2 weeks ago. You celebrated it in Heaven with Jesus and we know the party you had up there was way better than anything we could've ever thrown for you down here. But we missed you soo soo much. We miss you every day.

Here's what we did to remember your special day.

Mommy made a little heart-shaped cake with 2 candles on it.

Just like last year, your Daddy and I watched the DVD of your memorial service, along with the slideshow of pictures of you and 2 special songs, "Glory Baby" and "With Hope." Many tears were shed. So thankful that we really can grieve and cry with hope as the song says.

In memory of you and as a birthday gift to you in a way, we decided to sponsor a child through Holt International. Daddy picked out this little one, Pradnya from India, especially for our family, knowing that she was born almost exactly 1 month after you were. We're so thankful for ministries like this that can help little children in need.

Since we weren't able to visit the cemetery this year, we're thankful to have this little personalized stepping stone that we made from a kit given to us by some dear friends.

This hangs on the wall in our living room...the beautiful plaque made by a very dear friend of ours as well.

It was a tough day in many ways, but at the same time, God blessed us with the ability to reflect on the memories we made with you inside my womb and in our arms.

And we were so blessed to have your little sister here with us this year to fill our hearts and our arms with joy and love.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Love from Hannah Beth

Hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

5 months old (and lots of pictures)

Hannah Beth, as of about 1 week ago, you are now 5 months old!

Weight: about 15 pounds, not sure about length
Diapers: size 2
Clothes: 3-6 months
Food: you nurse about every 2-3 hours during the day
Sleep: you are continuing to do great! You sleep around 11 hours at night (you go to bed between 7 and 8 pm) and then after waking up to eat, you often go back to sleep for another 2 hours or so. We're so proud of you. You're starting to have more consistent naptimes--usually one in the late morning around 10 or 11, one in the afternoon around 1:30 or 2:30, and then sometimes another short nap later in the afternoon. The length of your naps still varies greatly... You sleep on your tummy for naps and your back at night.
After waking up in the morning, you love looking at the butterflies and flowers on your mobile and listening to the music.

You enjoy sitting in your Bumbo chair (for just a few minutes at a time and then you try to get out of it) and you can often be found missing a sock or two (either because they fell off or you pullled them off!)

You're really enjoying all your toys and rattles and books now! One of your favorites is the snail with a mirror that makes noise whenever you touch it.

You grab at pretty much everything you can...whether it's Mommy's hair, anything we have in our hands, books, toys, etc.
You've started to really like your pacifier lately (you still suck your thumb sometimes when the paci is not available), especially during naptime..Mommy has discovered that it helps you nap much better!

You enjoy tummy time a lot more now than you used to. You're rolling a lot from your back to your tummy, especially to your right side. Sometimes when you're on your tummy, you act like you're trying to scoot. When you're lying on your back, sometimes you lift your head off the ground and it looks like you're trying to do "ab crunches"--you're trying to sit yourself up and look around.

We got you a walker this month and you enjoy playing in that for a few minutes at a time. Even at the lowest level, your feet don't quite touch the floor so you can't "walk" anywhere..but I'm sure it won't be long!
You spit up fairly often (usually at least 2-3 times per day) but it seems to be getting better as you get older.
You continue to love your changing table and bath times. Now you've really figured out how to make some big splashes in the bathtub with your arms and legs!
You babble and squeal lots and many people have mentioned ever since you were just a couple months old how alert you are. You still love looking around and being part of any activity that may be taking place.
You love to smile and we love to see you smile! It just melts my heart. You are such a little sweetheart.

A few of my favorite pictures from the past month:

Wishing for some of Daddy's birthday ice cream

Hannah Elizabeth, we love you more with each passing moment.

Each year when your sister Alethia's birthday comes around on February 3rd, it's never going to be easy, but having you in our lives is such a blessing and we're so thankful to be able to pour all our love on you, sweet girl.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

2 years

Happy 2nd birthday, Alethia Joy.
It's been 2 years, but in some ways it seems like 2 days ago.
God numbers all of our days, and we don't know why, but His plan and purpose was to have you in Heaven with Him instead of here on earth with us. You are celebrating your birthday with Jesus.

You were such a beautiful little girl, and I know you are even more beautiful now walking the streets of gold with Jesus.

I still remember so vividly...

--the 9 months of carrying you in my womb
--those words "It looks like your baby died."

--longing to just feel you move inside of me one more time...but it was too late.

--the labor pains, knowing that we would be saying hello and good-bye to our sweet little one at the same time

--the realization that we wouldn't be taking our baby home from the hospital like everyone else seemed to

--the feel of your 6 lb, 7.4 oz body in my arms...longing for a sign of life

--the Christlike servanthood of the photographer from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep who came at 2:00 a.m. and took the pictures we will always cherish in this life
--the day we stood beside your tiny little casket, with heavy hearts and yet knowing that this was not the end

--finding strength in the Lord when all I had in myself was weakness

--the love and care and support from soo many around us, family, friends, co-workers, even strangers

--prayers going up for us from believers all around the USA and parts of the world
--finding joy and blessings and things to be thankful for, by the grace of God

Every day I just wonder, what would life be like now with Alethia Joy in our home? Watching her grow up, toddling around, discovering new things every day, talking, being the big sister to Hannah Beth...

Some days I look back and can hardly believe we lived through it. And some days I feel like I can hardly breathe from the pain and grief and loss, and the "ashes" feel like they're going to bury me. Holding tight to the promises...

"He knows our burdens and our crosses,

Those things that hurt, our trials and losses,

He cares for every soul that cries,

God wipes the tears from weeping eyes."

Our little "Alethia Joy" lamb

We miss you, Alli Joy.

We miss the past 2 years with an absence of memories watching you change and grow.

We miss the future here on earth that we will never experience.

We never got to see your first smile, hear your first giggle, or even watch your eyes open.
But you have made an impact on our lives that will last for eternity.

We have a hope and a promise and a future together...

and we look forward to that with all our hearts.

Even in your short life, Alli Joy, you have taught us many things...

to cherish every breath, every second of life
to be thankful for all the blessings God has given us, even the little things

to cling to the Lord, the God of hope and comfort, even in the midst of despair
to know a little better how to comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received... (2 Cor. 1:3-4)

to "consider it all joy when [we] face trials of many kinds..." because the testing of our faith continues to produce perseverance in us... (James 1:2-4)
to long even more for the coming of the Lord and life eternal in Heaven

to search for beauty in the ashes.

"Beauty Will Rise" (Steven Curtis Chapman)It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed til my voice was gone
And watched through the tears
as everything came crashing down

Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
and sift through the ashes that are left behind

But buried deep beneath
All our broken dreams
we have this hope:

Out of these ashes...
beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes...
beauty will rise
For we know,
joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning,
beauty will rise

So take another breath for now,
and let the tears come washing down,
and if you can't believe
I will believe for you.

I can hear it in the distance
and it's not too far away.
It's the music and the laughter
of a wedding and a feast.

I can almost feel the hand of God
reaching for my face
to wipe the tears away,
and say, "It's time to make everything new."
"Make it all new"

This is our hope.
This is the promise.
That it would take our breath away
to see the beauty that's been made
out of the ashes...

We wait for the day when "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

I'll hold you in Heaven, sweet baby girl.Love, Mommy