2 years

Happy 2nd birthday, Alethia Joy.
It's been 2 years, but in some ways it seems like 2 days ago.
God numbers all of our days, and we don't know why, but His plan and purpose was to have you in Heaven with Him instead of here on earth with us. You are celebrating your birthday with Jesus.

You were such a beautiful little girl, and I know you are even more beautiful now walking the streets of gold with Jesus.

I still remember so vividly...

--the 9 months of carrying you in my womb
--those words "It looks like your baby died."

--longing to just feel you move inside of me one more time...but it was too late.

--the labor pains, knowing that we would be saying hello and good-bye to our sweet little one at the same time

--the realization that we wouldn't be taking our baby home from the hospital like everyone else seemed to

--the feel of your 6 lb, 7.4 oz body in my arms...longing for a sign of life

--the Christlike servanthood of the photographer from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep who came at 2:00 a.m. and took the pictures we will always cherish in this life
--the day we stood beside your tiny little casket, with heavy hearts and yet knowing that this was not the end

--finding strength in the Lord when all I had in myself was weakness

--the love and care and support from soo many around us, family, friends, co-workers, even strangers

--prayers going up for us from believers all around the USA and parts of the world
--finding joy and blessings and things to be thankful for, by the grace of God

Every day I just wonder, what would life be like now with Alethia Joy in our home? Watching her grow up, toddling around, discovering new things every day, talking, being the big sister to Hannah Beth...

Some days I look back and can hardly believe we lived through it. And some days I feel like I can hardly breathe from the pain and grief and loss, and the "ashes" feel like they're going to bury me. Holding tight to the promises...

"He knows our burdens and our crosses,

Those things that hurt, our trials and losses,

He cares for every soul that cries,

God wipes the tears from weeping eyes."

Our little "Alethia Joy" lamb

We miss you, Alli Joy.

We miss the past 2 years with an absence of memories watching you change and grow.

We miss the future here on earth that we will never experience.

We never got to see your first smile, hear your first giggle, or even watch your eyes open.
But you have made an impact on our lives that will last for eternity.

We have a hope and a promise and a future together...

and we look forward to that with all our hearts.

Even in your short life, Alli Joy, you have taught us many things...

to cherish every breath, every second of life
to be thankful for all the blessings God has given us, even the little things

to cling to the Lord, the God of hope and comfort, even in the midst of despair
to know a little better how to comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received... (2 Cor. 1:3-4)

to "consider it all joy when [we] face trials of many kinds..." because the testing of our faith continues to produce perseverance in us... (James 1:2-4)
to long even more for the coming of the Lord and life eternal in Heaven

to search for beauty in the ashes.

"Beauty Will Rise" (Steven Curtis Chapman)It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed til my voice was gone
And watched through the tears
as everything came crashing down

Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
and sift through the ashes that are left behind

But buried deep beneath
All our broken dreams
we have this hope:

Out of these ashes...
beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes...
beauty will rise
For we know,
joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning,
beauty will rise

So take another breath for now,
and let the tears come washing down,
and if you can't believe
I will believe for you.

I can hear it in the distance
and it's not too far away.
It's the music and the laughter
of a wedding and a feast.

I can almost feel the hand of God
reaching for my face
to wipe the tears away,
and say, "It's time to make everything new."
"Make it all new"

This is our hope.
This is the promise.
That it would take our breath away
to see the beauty that's been made
out of the ashes...

We wait for the day when "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

I'll hold you in Heaven, sweet baby girl.Love, Mommy

"How very softly you tiptoed into my world.
Almost silently; Only a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint

Your footprints have left on our hearts. "