Weariness

Grief is emotionally exhausting and confusing.
I am so tired of smiling and laughing one minute, and then having tears flowing freely down my face seconds later.
Why is it that some nights I will go to bed peaceful and comfortable, and other nights I just cry myself to sleep?

I am experiencing the roller coaster of the grief process, and I just never know where it's going to take me next.
You've probably noticed this in my blogging pattern too...one day I will be posting pictures of fun times with visitors and friends, and a few days later, I will write about the aching of my heart.
My heartache and pain don't go away during these memorable times with friends.. but I am thankful for the blessings of the people God has given me in the midst of the grief.

Lately I've struggled with looking at other people's families....
seeing people blessed with 6 healthy and beautiful children,
or 5
or 4
or 3
or 2
or even just 1. It just seems so unfair.
I just want my one baby girl to love and hold.
I know I'm not the only one out there like this...my heart goes out to and feels the pain of so many women struggling with the loss of one or more children, as well as those who can't have children of their own.

But through it all...there is no coincidence in what the Lord led me to read in my devotions this morning.
I wasn't looking for these verses, but this is what was on my reading list for today:

"Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,

that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.

O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!"

Psalm 30:5b, 11, 12

Lord, in the midst of my grief, may I sing your praise and not be silent!!

May I never forget to thank you for using even the brief life of baby Alethia Joy to give thanks to you...forever.