Cushioned for the Blow

As I drove home from work this afternoon and thought about my day, I was amazed at how God "cushioned" me and "prepared" me for some things that I would hear on two different occasions.

Grief still shocks me sometimes with its sting. Even some of the simplest things that well-meaning, unsuspecting people say can hit me like a ton of bricks.

But in each case today, He prepared me emotionally and spiritually. He never fails me.

God's Cushion #1
This morning as I was getting out of my car and getting ready to grab my stuff and head into school/work, a co-worker of mine pulled up next to my car and just gave me a hug and shared some encouragement with me...she said she had never really had a chance to talk to me about everything that had happened with the loss of our two babies and she just wanted to let me know that she thinks about us all the time and prays for us. She reminded me that she knows that the Lord is going to do something great in our lives as a result of these trials. It was emotional for me but so refreshing to hear those words. I think they meant even more than they would have 9 1/2 months ago.

Blow #1
That was the Lord preparing me to hear [only about 15 minutes later] another co-worker share a "praise" during our staff morning prayer time about how happy she is for another teacher who just shared her news with us yesterday afternoon that she is expecting a baby. I feel incredibly selfish...but it's still so hard for me to be rejoice with others in regards to this news.

God's Cushion #2
A couple hours later, after our school day was well underway, I received an e-mail from the parent of one of my students containing some very similar and encouraging words as the conversation I had with my co-worker this morning. As a teacher, often the e-mails that I receive at school are in regards to schedules, projects, announcements, questions, and other school-related details. But the Lord knew that was the kind of e-mail I needed to receive today.

Blow #2
That was Him preparing me to hear the words from another [pregnant] co-teacher, "My baby won't stop moving and it's driving me crazy." She had no clue and no negative intent, but it was all I could do to get up and run away right then and there, thinking... "I can't believe you just said that...you have no idea..."

But then I thought of the conversation early this morning and the e-mail I had just read.

I have had to learn that many people just really, truly DON'T understand...and often have NO idea how some of the simplest things can sting an already-aching heart. They don't know what it's like to be me...or you, or what it's like to experience the things that I have experienced..and the things you have experienced. And there are soo many things that others out there have gone through that I have NO clue about either.

It just really means the world when someone lets me know that they haven't forgotten...when they take that risk and just let me know that they're praying for us...or thinking of us.
Yes, often those conversations can be very difficult--my heart is still fragile and tears may be shed...the hurt doesn't go away. But ultimately, talking about the pain and being reminded that God really does have a plan and a purpose in all of this...it leads me just a few more steps down the road to Healing.

I'm thankful for those cushions...and I think someday I might be even thankful for the blows.